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There’s nothing less appealing to a potential partner than feeling as though that they’re nothing more than a warm hole or body that’s filling a slot marked “girlfriend”.The more desperate you are to get what you want, whether it be sex or a relationship, the more likely it will slip through your fingers.
You will see every interaction in the worst possible light: “she doesn’t like me, she’s clearly repulsed by me, she’s only being polite, I’m misreading the signals” This apparently unending stream of reinforcement will only serves to perpetuate a vicious cycle; your self-limiting beliefs cause you to overlook evidence to the contrary, thus reinforcing the belief which, in turn, continues to make it impossible to see the truth. Believing in yourself – that you’re attractive, that you have a lot to offer others, that you can you. I was sabotaging myself in a number of ways that I didn’t even realize… The longer this goes on, the more you’re becoming convinced more than ever that this whole dating/sex/talking to other people thing is something that do and you’d be better off weighing the pros and cons of a monastic life of quiet desperation and a poetic death via alcoholism interspersed with self-pitying and slightly arch animated gif parades on Tumblr or women being bitches or any number of other things I told myself to explain my failures away.The problem with this approach is that, frankly, that’s not .Trying to be someone who is diametrically opposed to who you are inside is a recipe for frustration and failure.In short: your own desires are sabotaging your efforts to slake them.
As paradoxical as it may seem, you will never have better success at getting laid or finding a relationship by had it right: you get laid more by not trying. You’re not getting any responses from your online dating profile. Over the years I’ve seen these issues crop up again and again; I’ve seen them in friends, in the letters I’ve gotten as Dr. and until I took the time to recognize this and actually address these issues, I was going to get better.Your negative attitude will seep into Breaking negativity can be difficult; it takes time and effort to willfully decide to take a positive attitude and belief and stick to it. Just ask yourself: would you rather a world where everything confirms your worst fears or your fondest fantasies?There’s a reason why “just be yourself” is one of the most annoyingly useless advice cliches out there.If, for example, you believe that only “alpha” – for a suitably mistaken definition of “alpha” men get women, then that will be part of your reality.